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[One missed call: Papa]

Me: Hey, dad. What's up?
Dad: Hi, oh, nothing. I'm just here...at home. Like I will be for a lot from now on...
Me: What?
Dad: So, our community has ceased to be.
Me: [[omfg it's the murring apocalypse!]]
Dad: No. Not "our community," "Our Community" the newspaper I work at.
Me: [I love that my dad knew what I was thinki--fuck] Fuck.
Dad: Yeah. Your old man's not going to be working there anymore. No one is.
Me: Fuck.

Ah. Family.

Little boxes on the hillside. I can't believe how weird I feel around my family. I'm bored, braindead, uninspired.

Anything to do around here, folks?


I can't do this. I can't live at home again. But I hate being at my apartment. And I can't sleep. I feel completely displaced everywhere, somehow.

Tomorrow I'm back in NYC until...Saturday? Maybe?

Completely addicted to caffeine, letting alcohol go until next semester.

The show "Weeds" helps. I can't stand this shit, though. There's only so much suburbia I can take.

I can't even concentrate on a single book page. I read newspaper articles and then I find myself playing Bookworm. But...TV...is the ONLY thing that distracts me enough to let the day pass by in a bearable way.

Anybody want to help me out? I'll be living in NY until June 19th, I'll be in NJ after that, Connecticut during the week...Borders on weekends. Yay. I can't, I seriously can't wait until Argetina on the 9th...of AUGUST. Miserable.

What ever happened to keeping things simple? No one knows what to do with their lives.

You are not your job!


Part of me wants to run away, dedicate my life to gourmet foods, wines, and, dear God, cheese, and get fucking fat and not care.
The Fat Hermit option: still on the table.


Another part of me wants to wake up every morning at 5 AM, go for a run, take a cool shower, drink coffee, go to work, and then travel when I get free time.
The Early-Riser option: on the table if, God willing, I get into (and can afford) law school.


I could drop out of school, go back to working at Borders, and live in my parents' basement the rest of my life and never challenge myself. Why continue the cycle, really?
The Deadbeat option: no fucking way. I refuse to drink the retail Kool-Aid.


Maybe I just need to take a year off, see the wor--I have no money for this, it's not even an option.


Maybe I should just get pregnant, get some cheap apartment, and open up a day-care center.
The Mama Bear option: Children! Children everywhere!!


Maybe I could pick up some random hobby from arts-and-crafts and do that for a while, maybe sell one of these random trinkets to a tacky tourist near Central Park and call myself an artist. It would at least justify the need to live in New York.
Living the Parody that is the Artist's Life: No talent. Damn it all to hell, I'll just watch another movie and hope to God Sallie Mae becomes my friend next semester.

i can't run errands
i couldn't even stand up at one point today
i can't take care of school stuff
i can't take a single fucking drop of stress

i'm off the stuff

i'm tired

i need the next two weeks to be nothing but vacation, and i've set myself up for...well, work

i don't want to get shit for trying to rest my head after all of the work that i do

i missed work today, my second absence in three years because, honestly, it's not work to me. second absence in three years. okay? i'm not well.

i loved not having my laptop, i was completely disconnected

and im going to keep pretending to be so, faking the "i didn't have the internet" shit for the next two weeks. i just can't do it.

i couldn't today.

with my "citizenship" expiring, ruining two days of my life, a car crash, and getting seriously sick (twice now, first that throat business and now i'm nauseous, i feel like Filbert from Rocko's Modern Life), i need everything to stop.

This semester is over for me. I don't feel like doing any more. I want to experience more and read less. Reading helps experience...but...here I am.

I don't know where to start. Oh, well. Here goes.

I don't know what I'm doing on the outside, but on the inside I've calculated everything, and I know where I'm going to end up. I don't care. I'll have plenty of stories to tell my (or...someone's) grandkids someday. Wee...

http://www.bust.com/media/6/60626_main_large.jpg


Discuss.

Love,
Sabrina

I'm feeling nostalgia for nothing. I have a feeling it's the weather and my maybe-illness (it's not awful). I'm feeling overwhelmed by emotion and I don't know where it's coming from. It's not bad. But it is strong, whatever this is. I'm laughing so much lately, and I'm positive that this is the way things can always go back to being. I've stopped feeling shy, and alone, and depressed. If I let it get to me, it will, no matter where I am.

Long story short, I've felt so great lately, that I'm afraid that the feeling will go away. That something will happen.

Also...I was falling for this boy (swoon) who apparently is into big breasted women (funny, considering I felt one up today...it was a sample thing to feel for tumors, or as doctors call them,

the blueberries in your oatmeal,

but that's neither here nor there) and I found out about this completely by accident. So now, I roll my eyes and move on.



I love that word: nothing. I need to pick up e. e. cummings again soon; I remember loving him when I was 15 (which, PS: was 5 years ago. Holy Christmas).

I HATE missing this particular class, and yet, here I am. Fucking A! It wasn't meant to be. Sorry. This is random. But I'm PISSED. My alarm didn't go off, it's my fault, I didn't check, then again I didn't think you could turn off the sound of an alarm yet it still be on. Doesn't that defeat the mo fo-ing purpose!? It's not a cell phone alarm, I would've thought, you know, vibrate or something. It's a regular old thing. NO SOUND.

[gahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Ok. Ok. Hush little baby, don't say a word.

The apartment's empty and it's perfect except for the silence headache. I'm so used to noise, my brain's like, wtf, mate? And I'm like, it's cool B, we're just chillin'.

Brooklyn makes me feel like home, it's so much more comfortable than the village. Like Asia said, "Manhattan's a party you can't leave." But Brooklyn reminds me of living in Dover a lot sometimes.

The people in my classes are awesome. Especially in my democracy and dictatorship class. Saturday classes are the best, everyone's so cool in those two classes. I could do without Puerto Rican history class. They're nice there too, but it's a totally different atmosphere. Which it doesn't have to be, but the kids decided to say by their actions, "I don't know you, I'm scared of whoever the hell it is you are, I'd like to pretend I'm the only one here. Either that, or I won't shut up. How does that sound?" "Like I'm going to regret taking this class."

So, issues with the sale of the house...I'll let you know what happens.

Damn it, am I the only jerk who hasn't seen Spiderman 3? Humbug, I say. Humbug.

Time to bust a rhyme?

Naaah bizzee

Time for Gertrude Stein?

What?

Anyway, hi! It's Sabrina, here with another fun-filled "What's your story?" Today we are here to discuss
SEXUAL HARRASMENT! (panda?)

So, here we go. This Saturday I have a paper due on street sexual harassment. It is being debated whether such talk should be kept legal (flirtatiousness protected under the first amendment) or made illegal (creating a hostile environment and making women scared of walking around in their own neighborhoods).

You know how I feel about it. I fucking want that shit made illegal. ESPECIALLY since a lot of the time it's being said to under-age girls. I mean, honestly.

So here we go! Write me aaany
story, experience, anecdote,
that you or one of your friends/family members
has been through.
It can be three words long, it can be three pages long.

Just lemme know why you hate being treated like a hollaback girl. Especially with the warmer weather that's happenin' now. Thanks, lovers!

i dont like it when people judge without much knowledge on the subject. meh.

By my calculations, I'm graduating a semester after everybody else. I don't exactly give a crap, it's just that, I hate how ridiculous some shit is.

new years party at my home
come early, come late, dress up, show up in squirrel furs

come tell tales, show pictures of what weve missed

fancy pizza and chocolate and lactose-free products for those who require it

bring anyone you want!

i just want to bring in 2007 with some good folks

so im driving behind a school bus (safe distance)
going the EXACT SAME speed.

i get a ticket.

two points on my license.

i'd be fine with this if I DIDNT DRIVE SLOWER THAN EVERYONE ELSE I KNOW.



ok so not the image of him i was thinking of...but...oh my...

i havent spoken to a single real friend, really spoken, in a while. its' do-able, but annoying after a while.

who egged my car?!

oh and see you in euroland

two passport stamps. three more days. so freaking stoked...!

im losing me soul

i need everyones help!
most definetely

leave your name, age, the approximate number of hours you study/do homework and the approximate number of hours you watch TV...

I need a lot of people!
ballpark it (I just need numbers)

Connecticut was where I was alone for seven weeks, surrounded by strangers, adults, children, no men, no teenagers, playing the role of young disconnected soccer nanny. I drove and know all of the streets, most of the towns in the Northwest corner of the state, completely disconnected. Clandestine stays in centuries old libraries, ghosts and orchestras and sunrises...

there's a fly in my room that reminds me of the nightime, the moths that would be attracted to the only light still on in the house that late (mine), when i was completely alone and had no one to run to, couldn't call anyone, i was left alone with a journal and a book

listening to Espers "Afraid" kind of gives you that feeling in the morning when it was just out of a Disney movie, really...specifically Cinderella or Sound of Music (it's not as cheesy as it sounds, it was just simple and calm)

no one took pictures

there was nothing to remember, that was just life for them

this is such an appropriate song

everything was washed out in white light in the morning, but the sunsets were blue and purple, and all sorts of colors...

i would steal away in the car to drive around past the farmhouses and vineyards
cows horses horses wildflowers

it was a children's book

imperfect, there was a lot learned in seven weeks about so much, how children think, how i still think that way, how an adult acts, how i should begin to act

i hope everyone gets one of these life experiences, one that makes you feel like you have a bird's eye view on your own life, or maybe i just hope you, friend, feel happy!




"i have a dream that the hippies, all the hippies, and the straights, can someday live together...not too close" -Monk (with Steph! yay)

"What did Jesus say?"
"POOPY!"

Kitty...has no name and great thirst...

( Much more randomness )

Michele:
A Lifetime Original Movie
Practical Advice for your Everyday Life

by Michele and Sabrina’s mama’s margaritas
fabulously typed and edited by Sabrina

Chapter 1:
When I was young
I liked to dance…
a lot

Chapter 2:
Margarita’s rock
especially when you’re
barefoot… yes… yes

Chapter 3:
Playing outside at
night is fun… but
dangerous

Chapter 4:
lightning bugs are
fun… until they are
speeding at you while
going 80 mph!

Chapter 5:
Alcohol is great
when writing a
biography, for all
life experiences
seem a little more
interesting.

Chapter 6:
I suggest you
get an alcoholic bev-
erage before continuing
……
yes, go
…
NOW!

Chapter 7:
My skin itches
(fuckin’ sunburn)
Chapter 8:
I love rain :)

Chapter 9:
Sprinklers are awesome
because if you jump
in a pool w/ clothes on
you look crazy, but
if you were running
through a sprinkler..
you were probably
just HOT!

Chapter 10:
SHAKE, SHAKE,
SHAKE, SHAKE,
SHAKE, SHAKE…

Chapter 11:
SHAKE yo’ Baby…
I mean booty!

Chapter 12:
When whales
come flying at you
DUCK!

Chapter 13:
K-mart is the
Devil… the
Devil I say

Chapter 14:
My feet are
Dirty

Chapter 15:
This book is a
waste of…
Fuck it, it’s awesome

Chapter 16:
And you be like
Damn!
(but not really)

Chapter 17:
Duct tape is
an important
part of every
day life!

Chapter 18:
When all is
said and done
I will have had
so much fun!

Chapter 19:
This is not
really a book…
(or is it!?)

Chapter 20:
Yeah, you
think about it!

Chapter 21:
My back yard
is a jungle!!!

Chapter 22:
I was supposed
to teach 2 people
how to ride a bike..
…
ehh, whatever!

Chaper 23:
Post its make
the world…
lazy.. fun?...
what .. I dunno

Chapter 24:
I may develop
carpel tunnel from
my book!

Chapter 25:
AHHHH…
Writers block
(of cheese)

Chapter 26:
I’m so awesome
you don’t even
know!

Chapter 27:
Sabrina doesn’t
like bicycles or
babies!

Chapter 28:
This is the
great and AS*(#NSF
powerful ONOMIK
… I have returned

Chapter 29:
I’m like…
DAMN!!!

Chapter 30:
DQ is scary!
… yes yummy!!

Chapter 31:
If you are
mediocre … you
need to occupy
your time w/
hobbies .. cool
kids won’t like
you!

Chapter 32:
~Burp~

Chapter 33:
My purse
was singing
“Bad day”

Chapter 34:
WHEEEE
EEEEE!

Chapter 35:
~giggle,
giggle,
chuckle
chuckle,~

Chapter 36:
I’m so random
(yes)

Chapter 37:
Sabrina clearly
can NOT type
under the influence
of goodness

Chapter 38:
I’m writing this
book for my
amusement, if you
don’t like it …
#@$(*&@(#
EHHH!

Chapter 39:
Cold stone’s cup
sizes should be
“like it, love it, and
Damn!!!”

Chapter 40:
Eye spy with
my little eye..
TURKEYS!

Chapter 41:
I
love
People

Chapter 42:
Quack

Chapter 43:
Jimi Hendrix
likes to stare at
my ass!

Chapter 44:
Eww… gross

Chapter 45:
Polar Bear
Polar Bear
Bring me a
Beer!

Chapter 46:
My eye is
watering!!!

Chapter 47:
Unicycles are
for hicks or
circus folk!

Chapter 48:
Knock it off!
You’re so silly!

Chapter 49:
Here’s my
closing statement
…

Chapter 50:
life is precious,
take care of friends
and family. Have fun.
Be safe. ** Enjoy
every moment.

kids and stress
driving
me
nuts

oh own life, how i miss thee

where can i get my tubes tied? i wonder if planned parenthood does that...

I got that quote from a cartoon that was in the New Yorker in the 70's (my boss has some interesting books, lots of Doonesbury). The cartoon's this teenage dude with bellbottoms walking down the street with a boombox over his shoulder with a song blasting, "I want your body Disco Doll I want your body Disco Doll." An older man walks past him down the street singing his own song in his head, "They're writing love songs, but not for me." And this really describes my mood there. I really liked being away from the flashy teenage culture. No TV. No chocolate. Barely any computer. No indie music pricks who won't have a good time because it doesn't fit in with their idea of cool. No ice cream (ok. THAT SUCKED). Basically no radio time (just one sweet iPod with all the Dylan you could ask for). Fun included playing tag in the water, running around, singing along in the car (to that really popular Jet song...it's so fun).

But there was a lake, a community, sweet/silly kids, lots of reading, silence, playing, and relaxation. I played sardines with my two kids, their cousin and two of their friends and we ran around the yard. All the water is well water, and, I swear, the "faucet" in the upstairs bathroom is basically a pump (you lift the lever and out comes, you guessed it, only cold water).

The parents of the kids in that community all work in NYC and go there for the summer (they move there over summer and Christmas and visit on weekends).

There were farms and hills. And I had a Fahrenheit 451-like breakfast (you know the part when the dude runs away and hides in a barn?) which consisted of a peach and a glass of milk.

It's the intellectual parent's dream to actually take their kids away from the modern world and let them live like they did in the "old times" (or storybooks, whichever) while they do work that affects countless people in the "real world."

I tanned, I read, I ate good food, I slept awesomely, and
They're paying me. It's good.

I wouldn't do this for the rest of my life because I want the chance to actually do that someday, have my kids and go on vacation with them...except, in the real world, not on that sheltered hillside...although the silence is priceless.

I love reading about the student protests in Chile and the new victory in Peru and everything else in the news because while explaining the current situation, they give the background story, too, it's funny how much history I'm learning just from reading the news.

I had no idea that Kirchner, the Argentine president, got rid of a really old law that kept bastard military men from getting tried on human rights violations and now a thousand military and police officials are vulnerable to being tried. There's even a court date set already for one trial for this month, I'm so shocked, really, I can't believe it. This president is actually trying, which to some of you may seem like, "Yes, that's what they do," but our past presidents have just robbed us blind.

The situation was always bad but one guy didn't do a thing to prevent the December 2001 disaster that were the corralitos, he had to resign as president and leave the Casa Rosada (Pink House, the equivalent of the White House) in a helicopter so as to avoid the angry mob outside. It's ridiculous.

I'm not saying I support this president, I mean, I kind of do because I see what he does, but until there is a radical overhaul on the entire incredibly shitty system, then I remain suspicious and untrusting.

Also, it's funny how the students in Chile had this huge massive protest going. 700,000 students (the entire country's population is 16 million) did marches and sit-in protests (that's what they were described as, the Chilean news probably says "riots" and I don't know who I'd believe...the NYT is sometimes predictably biased). They're protesting an apparently severely discriminatory system that keeps the poor out of an education or in really shitty facilities (or without access to transportation or lunch).

"Their demands include more teachers and school construction, so as to reduce class sizes, and also the elimination of fees for the national college entrance exam and free bus fare. With prices of copper, the country's chief export, at record highs and government coffers bulging with years of budget surpluses, the students maintain that the state can afford to invest more in education." The president offered $135 million per year, the students said that's not enough, but she doesn't seem to want to budge.

I love how in the United States they cut funding like woah (so much so that Montclair S.U. is in an apparent economic crisis, but God knows if that actually was the cause or just a factor) and no real backlash occurred. I have to say, our generation really isn't a group of hippie liberal douches or conservative pricks (there are lots of those, however) it really seems like everyone's apathetic.

I don't blame them, none of these things are life or death. Except for say, like, when someone's dying and they can't pay their bills, then communities get together and do fundraisers and some TV personality will take a picture with them and some corporation will donate like $5 and pay $400 for a banner that says "[this corporation] Cares!" with some smiley face thing drawn on it in "crayon."

I'm done ranting. Enjoy life.

Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head.

I fell asleep at about 7:30 PM yesterday, and I woke up at about 10:30 PM only to fall asleep an hour later. Which is three hours so far. And then I woke up at 6:30-ish...that's seven...so, I slept for ten hours, basically, and I was really energetic!

So I walked Marley all over town. It was cold so I had one of my winter jackets on. We walked basically wherever we wanted, down past the car window repair place, the used car dealership, the lady that makes Sweet 15 thrones, the smelly seafood restaurant (and I didn't question why the pet shop that sells fish as pets is so close by), the Hispanic supermarket, took her through the flea market which was just starting to set up. I remembered that the reason that my legs hurt was because I stood for almost eight hours straight yesterday (hooray for Bocce Staging Crew!), but we kept walking. As we mosied through our lovely littered downtown area, many men dressed for work (jeans, boots, and tee-shirts) passed us on foot and on bikes...we passed them on our way back as they stood outside the coffee and other food shops.

Ah, day laborers... if it weren't for them, what would this country do?

I also wondered how many people probably thought they were drug dealers. Or how the police handles this...hmm...is it legal? If it is, the cops still know they're undocumented...do the employers pay them off or are the cops just cool like that?

Anyway, I got back home and had a corn muffin and milk for breakfast...I like simple breakfasts. Mm.mm. Good.

But to kill the morning a woman came to measure the dimensions of the rooms in my house (Yes, indeed: We finally got a realtor! It's only been a year! Ha)...which mean that I had to move so much stuff out of the way and help this lady basically weigh the meat that was my high school life. Awesome. So, we're almost definetely be living in PA sometime this year.

Yay life. Can't wait for Tuesday...I wonder what summer will be like for all of my friends here, what will I miss? I mean, I'll miss the boring intervals between memorable occasions, but I'll also miss out on other stuff, too...merp. Oh, well, I had my share already this past month. And plus, I'll still have weekends.

cant sleep